๐ฆ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐บ, ๐๐
๐ฃ๐บ ๐๐ญ๐ฐ๐ช ๐๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ ๐๐ฆ๐ฏ๐จ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข
Vector Shamoon kicked open a door with his heavy black boot, unleashing a shower of wood and metal splinters on an empty stairwell floor.
He peered left and right, checking that the way was clear.
โStop grabbing me by the antennae, you ill-mannered lout!โ
โShut the fuck up!โ
The small creature Vector was escorting shrivelled up a bit more and took on a look that was even more pathetic than before.
Vector heard a sniffle and and whimper. Looking down at the alien creature he had apprehended, he said, โTrying to look cute?โ
The alien had taken on the appearance of a humanoid baby with huge eyes and puffy cheeks.
โI knew it wouldnโt work on a clodhopping barbarian, but no harm in trying,โ said the creature, โYou humans are known for your stupidity.โ
โWeโll see,โ came Vectorโs response.
Vector rushed up several flights of stairs, dragging the alien behind him.
A beam scanned Vector and the figure he was gripping tightly. Something beeped, and a mechanical voiced chimed, โAccess denied.โ
โNo shit! Itโs because of this alien piece of shit I have with me!โ
Suddenly a video screen lit up, it was Vectorโs commander at the Space Force.
โVector, son, what are you doing?โ
โIโve located and neutralized a threat to our planet, Commander,โ Victor reported with pride.
โShamoon, thatโs no alien you got thereโitโs a human child! You were ordered to get some R&R after your last breakdown. Now, I suggest you follow orders, let the child go, and return to your barracks.โ
โSir, itโs a trickโthis alien is like a fuckinโ chameleon. It can easily adopt the appearance of a human child.โ
โShamoon, itโs been five centuries since the Space Force has been in service and not once have we found even an iota of evidence for the existence of alien life, neither here on earth, nor in space.โ
โNow, Iโm pleading with you, son,โ the commander reached his had out toward the camera, โStand down and release the child.โ
Defeated, Victor complied.
โSir, youโre making a big mistake,โ he muttered under his breath.
The commander turned to one of his aides, โFor Godโs sake, get Shamoon off this base! And someone find that kidโs parents!โ
โขโขโข
On the way back to their planet, the aliens Pripโss, Fjaldispore, and Grimโkaach joined each other in high pitched laughter.
They took turns mimicking Shamoonโs deep voice.
โYou should have seen Shamoonโs face when his commander berated him,โ said Fjaldispore, chuckling.
โThat was a close callโhow did he discover you?โ asked Grimโkaach.
Pripโss turned grey with embarrassment.
โIโd rather not say,โ said Fjaldispore.
Pripโss was a female of the species, and she could not lie. โWe were engaged in coitus, so our camouflage could not be on,โ she said, โI was able to get away, but the human buffoon grabbed Fjaldi.โ
Grimโkaach reeled in his tentacles, and just as he was about to add this new information into the mission report, his body disintegrated upon being hit with a focused energy beam.
Fjaldispore was holding a smoking laser pistol.
Pripโss screamed, โWhat have you done?!โ
โI got rid of Grimโkaach, honey,โ he said, โNow, Iโm turning this ship back to Earthโyou and I are going to settle there, in a place called Spuzzum, British Columbia.โ
Fjaldispore then performed the matrimonial dance.
โOh yes,โ Pripโss cried out, โYes, Iโll marry you!โ
โขโขโข
Two centuries have passed, and today, unbeknownst to the Space Forceโor anyone else for that matterโthere is a thriving alien community in Spuzzum, BC. Should you wish to visit, I would highly recommend that you take a copy of this story, and make the residents read it. After 200 years, even the locals have forgotten where they came from. โฆ
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